


Get Too Close, I’ll Watch You Burn

by daxcat79



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Action, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Drama, F/M, Feels, Flirting, Jack Kisses the Doctor, Kissing, Men Kiss, Parallel Universes, Romance, it's Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 09:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1261318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daxcat79/pseuds/daxcat79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He twisted around slowly, noticing she’d moved into the light.  He could see her face.  Those lovely green eyes.  Blonde curls that were just as mad and gorgeous as ever.  It was River Song.  Not <i>his</i> River Song, but in every other way that mattered… it was her.  Those lovely green eyes stared right through him.  It shouldn’t kill him, but it did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get Too Close, I’ll Watch You Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a quote from Martha about the Doctor and how he affects the people around him. I’m dedicating this story to my dog (Kaylee) that just passed away recently. Kaylee was an amazing pup, and I’m going to really miss her, but her death inspired me to finish this story when I was having a lot of trouble getting through to the end of this story. I hope you guys enjoy it.

****

“The Doctor's wonderful and he's brilliant, but he's like fire. Stand too close, and people get burned.” ~ Martha Jones

_He could see the writing on the wall. He tried to ignore it as best he could, but at some point denial grew exhausting, and he was far too old to fight it. The Ponds were gone. River Song was a Professor. He knew what came next. Time was catching up with them all, and another end was on it’s way… another goodbye he wasn’t ready for._

_He felt his hearts breaking as he heard her type the last page of their story in Manhattan, placing the manuscript in a worn leather bag. He pretended to sleep. He closed his eyes so bloody tight, slowed his breathing, and lied there in their bed as still as he could manage. He felt her draw close to him. He felt the bed dip as it took on her weight. She kissed his cheek with a sigh, and ran her hand through his hair with such gentle care. “Do you want to know a secret, Doctor? My secret?” He said nothing. She told him anyway. “I hate endings too.” And then she was gone._

*~*~*

Water splashed against his face and the Doctor gasped, sputtering and groaning from the ache in his head. “Ah good, you’re finally up.”

It was dark, too dark to see much of anything, but he could make out the metal bars keeping him caged. There was a light just beyond and the echoing sound of heels against the cement floor. The Doctor groaned, rubbing away the crust from his eyes, fairly certain he’d been unconscious for a while. No sonic. No Tardis. Just the Doctor caged in a cell. He’d have a good think once his brain started working again. As it was, he just barely remembered what had happened. “Where am I?”

The presence just beyond his prison cell moved in the shadows. His cell was perfectly squared, with a steel alloy cut and welded perfectly into bars. All that he had inside was a cot and a blanket. There wasn’t even a place to use the loo. That could get a bit awkward. “You’re being detained for questioning.”

The Doctor knew he could be a bit thick sometimes, but he also _knew_ that voice. He took a moment to process it, let the facts settle in his mind, and he filled in the blanks. Right… parallel world, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t Rose’s… fairly sure anyway. He couldn’t see her, but he managed to see the heels in a sliver of light, bold and red. He swallowed thickly and looked up. He couldn’t see her face, but he didn’t need to. “River?”

A pause. Ah… she wasn’t expecting that. “How do you know my name?”

How to explain? She didn’t seem to know him, though he wasn’t certain why. If this universe didn’t have the Doctor, it stood to reason that it also wouldn’t have River Song. Melody Pond, perhaps, but not River Song. He stood and walked towards the bars, eyes narrowed as he strained to see her. It was so dark, but he could almost make out her blonde curls, and his hands curled around the bars. “A bit complicated to explain.”

“I’ve got the time.”

He visibly grimaced, because from his perspective she didn’t. Professor River Song didn’t have nearly enough time. It’s why he’d gotten himself into this mess in the first place. He was such a fool… a selfish old fool. Ran so fast and hard he’d slipped through a crack in his universe, and straight into hers. His stomach protested and he leaned forward, closer to the bars. “Wouldn’t happen to have any Jammie Dodgers would you? I hate to start a good story on an empty stomach.” He flashed a tight smile, and flicked his hair from his eyes. “Or maybe some fish fingers and custard. How’s Amy, still round?”

“So you know my mother’s name as well? Exactly how did you manage to learn about her? She hasn’t been alive for centuries.”

Disappointment swelled in his hearts. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was _his_ Amelia or not. It would have been nice… to see her… just once more. “Guess that means no Rory either, but you said they’ve been gone centuries. You on the other hand….”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the one who’s supposed to ask the questions. You’re supposed to be a good boy and answer them before I lose my patience,” she responded, and he didn’t miss the edge in her voice.

He backed away from the bars and swung his hands up. “Doesn’t exactly seem like I have much choice,” he sighed, staring back into the dark.

She started moving again, but he didn’t turn around, though his eyes followed her until she was out of view. “Well then, why don’t we start with the basics, hmm? State your name.”

“Doctor.”

“That’s not a name.”

“Yes it is, it’s mine.”

“You can’t just be called Doctor.”

He twisted around slowly, noticing she’d moved into the light. He could see her face. Those lovely green eyes. Blonde curls that were just as mad and gorgeous as ever. It was River Song. Not _his_ River Song, but in every other way that mattered… it was her. Those lovely green eyes stared right through him. It shouldn’t kill him, but it did. He licked dry lips and dropped her gaze. “John Smith, then?”

“Even less likely.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes dramatically. “Well, what do you expect, River? I tell you the truth and you get all judgmental. I rather like my name… been that way for centuries, and I’m certainly not going to be changing it just because _you_ don’t approve.”

He moved towards the opposite end and leaned against the bars, arms folded as he stared back at her. How long had it been since he’d seen that face? Too long if he had to think about it, he supposed. River gave nothing away. Her expression was cold, shut off to him. She didn’t know him, but it was worse than that. She didn’t particularly want to know him. She was conducting an interrogation, nothing more. “Fine then, _Doctor_. Your ship… the Tardis, how did you acquire it?”

“You know of it then?” She may not have been curious about him, but he damn sure wanted to figure her out. This was River Song without him, and he wasn’t sure how that was possible. He wasn’t even sure he liked it.

“You tell me... after all, you know my name. You know of my parents,” she replied.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, still leaning on the bars. His face had dried, but his shirt was still a little damp from being splashed with water. Not the wake-up call he would have wanted from River, but then again… she wasn’t exactly _his_ River. “It’s complicated. I’m not from around here.”

“You’re a Time Lord.”

There were Time Lords in this universe… interesting. “You were conceived on a Tardis? But you don’t recognize me?”

“Should I?”

It annoyed him. She was shrugging off his words with such disinterest. She didn’t even _care_. How could she just not care? “So your parents travelled in the Tardis, but who with? Anyone I know?”

“There you go asking questions again. You really don’t know how this works, do you?”

His smile was strained, and his hands clenched in his pockets. “I’m a bit slow,” he responded sarcastically.

“Getting that.”

His jaw tightened and he let his head drop back till he felt the clang of the bars against his scalp. “It’s _my_ ship!”

“Stolen.”

“Borrowed.”

“Then you admit it’s not yours?”

He nearly growled in frustration and pushed off from the bars, walking towards her. He stopped mere inches from her face, the bars separating them, and she didn’t back down. She didn’t even blink. “River Song, born to Amelia Pond and Rory Williams. This would be your third body, am I right? You can regenerate, but you aren’t quite a Time Lord. You’re something new… Human PLUS! Two hearts though, I find that very sexy in a woman,” he told her, giving her a wink. He backed away just a bit and gripped the bars, leaning back on his heels. “Your father was a nurse… and Amy… well, depends on what day it is, but she is and was a brilliant writer,” he continued and let out a breath, looking up at the bars overhead. “I know you because I’m from a parallel world. Your parents were my best friends… and you, River Song… you are my wife.”

He waited a good minute before he finally looked at her. He expected surprise. He’d hoped for curiosity. Instead he looked down to see her glancing at her watch. “That’ll have to do, I suppose. I’m needed elsewhere.”

His jaw dropped as she turned to walk away, and he couldn’t believe his eyes. Everything he’d just told her… all the mad and impossible things he’d said… and she was just going to _walk away_? “Really? Now? I was just getting to the good part!” he called after her.

River’s laugh echoed in the warehouse as she walked towards the door, a single flood light overhead. “Whatever you say, sweetie.”

His eyes narrowed as his head dropped against the bars and he watched her leave. “Only my wife gets to call me that….”

*~*~*

Twelve hours could be an awfully long wait for a human. Twelve hours was nearly _torturous_ for him. He didn’t sleep. No one would talk to him when they brought him food. They wore plain black clothes without symbols, their origins and affiliations kept secret from him. Perhaps River worked for the Silence, but he would have expected soldiers if that were the case. These people were good. They gave him absolutely nothing to work with. He’d demand answers, and no one said a word, no one looked at him. Just food, a bucket for… waste (and how undignified was that), and then they were gone.

 _Twelve bloody hours._ No one said a word.

With that much time to think, it was inevitable that his thoughts would settle on River. It was exactly why he’d ran in the first place. He’d ran from his thoughts, from his duties to her, from Darillium. He’d gone to places not even he’d dared visit during the times Rory and Amy were travelling with him. He’d obviously gone too far. He hadn’t meant to come here, but here he was. A crack from one parallel world to this one, and who knew how long it would stay open? He had to get home. He should be thinking about that. He should be focusing on escape. Instead he was thinking about River.

He missed the way River used to look at him. It was strange, really, daft… most definitely. It wasn’t the first time he’d ever felt the burnings of love. Those women had been just as unforgettable, and brilliant, and amazing as River Song. He thought about Rose just a tiny bit, of how that’d begun. Of course, they’d never really acted on such feelings. It would have gotten messy so quick. She was human. She’d grow old. He knew eventually he would be forced to let her go, because he was far too selfish to watch her waste away while he continued on. She’d be 91 and running? Not likely.

The thing is, Rose didn’t know who he was, did she? She knew the secrets he allowed her to know. She knew little quirks here and there that made him unique and special. Those quirks weren’t even _his_ quirks anymore… he’d changed, regenerated. She’d watched it happen twice. She knew two of his faces, but he wasn’t quite sure she ever knew _him_. She’d made him better, certainly so, but he wasn’t sure she’d realized what she was doing then. Rose was just Rose.

There were others than knew more. Romana for one. She had the two hearts, felt the universe like he did, held the weight of responsibility that came with his race. He was young then. That was before the war. He rather wished River had known him them… before the monster. He’d certainly been just as selfish at times, but it was different back then. Everyone could be a bit selfish and foolish. War changed things. War turned good men into something dark and twisted. It bothered him that River never got to see what he was like before war. Perhaps she would have loved him even more for it (as if such a thing were possible).

River never got to meet his parents. He couldn’t even figure out why that bothered him, but it did. She wasn’t a Time Lord, but she was special and unique… and he’d have loved to show her off. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d thought like that, certainly not before the war. Those thoughts were dangerous, but he had them nonetheless. He thought about watching her eyes light up if he’d taken her to Gallifrey. He thought about how hard he’d laugh when she inevitably got them kicked out of Gallifrey. Or maybe he’d have been the one to get them into trouble. There was always that chance.

Dangerous thoughts. The Doctor sobered, swallowing thickly as he rolled off his cot and paced his cell. This is why he ran. So many regrets in a thousand years, and if he stopped for even a moment he would sink into them like quicksand. Regrets would eat him alive. They already were. He’d wanted so much more once. This life was part of the plan, but he’d never even realized what it would do to him… turn him into. River saw it. She loved him anyway. He’d never get done solving her. Maybe that was why it hurt? All their time together and he was just as clueless as he’d ever been. Turned out, finding where a person came from wasn’t the same as finding out who they were. He’d asked who she was, thinking he’d gotten his answer on Demon’s Run. Turned out he was wrong. Perhaps he’d never really known her at all.

“Someone looks cagey.”

The Doctor sucked in a breath, turning to watch River Song stroll into the warehouse. He could see a bit more this time. They’d given him a little more light, at least, though it was still hard to make out anything specific (or helpful). They were careful. He _would_ be fairly certain they were on a planet, except the air tasted of copper and rust… metallic. Like a ship or a space station. “Who me? Love a cage, me! Big fan! I even tweet about them on Facebook!”

River quirked an eyebrow at that, but shook her head. “You have no idea what Facebook is, do you?” It wasn’t exactly phrased as a question.

He rolled his eyes and twisted away from her, scrunching his face in annoyance. “It’s got ‘book’ in the name. I love books… something to do with a library maybe?” What did he care? His companions were the ones who couldn’t stop running their mouths about such things.

He hated this cage. He hated it more than he hated anything in his life. Of course it was making him cagey. He wanted to throw himself against the bars screaming. He wanted to pull his hair out until he’d gone bald. This was absolutely mind-numbing, and she _knew_ it. Even without knowing him, she’d had him pegged from the start. He shouldn’t like that. He does, though. “Well, as long as you’re comfortable. Shall we pick up where we left off last time?”

“You walked out on me during the best part… moment’s over now,” he replied. He refused to look at her just yet. He kept his eyes roving, taking in how perfectly each bar was shaped and welded, as if identical prison bars could ever be so interesting. She’d had the upper hand last time. She knew she had his attention, but she’d made it perfectly clear he didn’t have hers… not really. He wasn’t quite sure he could handle it again… watching her look through him.

“Have I bruised your ego, then?” she teased, and his eyes closed involuntarily at the sound. Her voice did things to him when he least expected it.

“You never really stop,” he admitted thoughtfully.

A quiet settled between them, and he could almost feel her eyes on him, studying him like an organism under a microscope. The Doctor thought about her eyes, green eyes or sometimes hazel in the right light and long lashes. He found himself clinging to images of their wedding on top of the Pyramids when those same eyes had been so full of love. He hadn’t appreciated it then… how she would look at him. What he wouldn’t give for those eyes to be looking upon him like they did that day….

“You were wrong before, you know.”

He took his time to turn back around and look at her, swinging his arms out curiously. “Go on then,” he encouraged.

“My father _was_ a nurse… until he finished medical school and became a Doctor.” Her lips curled in a faint smile, and he recognized that look immediately as pride. Pride for her father’s accomplishments, Doctor Rory Pond.

The Doctor was smiling too; a little relieved she’d actually been paying attention. He walked towards her slowly as before, and she held his gaze. For a second, the briefest of seconds he thought he saw warmth in her eyes, but it faded just as quickly as it had appeared, and he realized that warmth was for Rory. She’d been thinking about her Dad… not _him_. He told himself it didn’t matter, but the Doctor knew his own rules better than anyone… including rule one. “Did they raise you, River? You’re parents… were they there to raise you? Did they get that chance?”

Her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion briefly before the walls went up and she was cold as ice. “There you go again… completely ignoring how this works. I ask the questions and you’re meant to answer them.”

His hands tightened around the bars, and he wasn’t sure why it was so important that he know. Perhaps he just wanted to believe there was a world and universe in which he hadn’t completely screwed up River Song’s life… or maybe some assurance that it would have been screwed up whether he was in it or not. He was betting on the latter… selfish old man, he is. “You haven’t asked any questions.”

“Then perhaps you should shut up and let me?” she offered coolly.

“If I shut up, how will I answer your questions?” He couldn’t help himself. He loved the banter. He needed it. Something familiar between them that made it easier to look in those cold, dead eyes that didn’t love him.

River let out a huff, and rolled her eyes. “You really do enjoy being difficult, don’t you?”

“Oh trust me; in my universe you love it when I’m difficult. Gives you a reason to _punish_ me,” he flirted, trying to catch her off guard just a bit. It wasn’t like anyone was around to hear him say that… unless there were cameras. Blimey, he hadn’t thought of that. He could feel his skin turning hot and pink without his permission.

He supposes he should have known better. His bad, bad girl wasn’t easily shaken. “She and I have that in common then,” she purred.

Pink skin got even darker, but he refused to back down now. At least the parents weren’t around this time to witness. “Are _you_ planning on punishing me, Doctor Song?”

“Hmmmm… wouldn’t the wife get jealous?”

“She’s you, and you’re her… she’d probably just want _in_ ,” he remarked, shivering just a bit when he realized that was undoubtedly true.

River laughed at that, flashing those pearly whites, and oh how he loved her laugh. It always sounded so wicked to his ears. “I think, perhaps, we’re done for a bit.”

He bit back a protest when she backed away from his cell, walking toward the exit once more, and he wanted to scream in frustration. She always left him wanting more. Apparently some traits were most definitely universal. The Doctor twisted around and leaned against the bars as she reached the exit, only to pause and turn back around to look at him. He tried to crush the hope that rose in his chest… hope that she just might stay a while longer.

“Oh and Doctor?”

“Yes?”

She turned the knob and swung the door open. “It’s Professor Song…” she corrected just before she left him.

The Doctor wasn’t even sure why he felt his stomach twist. He couldn’t begin to fathom why his hearts squeezed in his chest till he was certain they’d stop beating. Three words and he felt like he was bleeding internally. This universe was going to tear him apart….

*~*~*

The dance of her interrogation style was absolutely maddening. It was always too quick, and rarely presented him answers that would matter. She drifted in and out of the large room, circled his cell like a lioness and she was tearing him apart even before she managed the death dealing bite to his jugular vein. He just wanted it to stop, but every time she came his pulse would quicken and he’d be begging for more. He’d never been so desperate. He’d never been so attentive. He craved her like a man dying of thirst, but all he was getting was a few drops of water each time. It wasn’t satisfying. It was torturous, and he’d rather just die of not seeing her again. Let him starve.

River peered through the bars at him, and he held her gaze. “Tell me, Doctor… why are you here?”

The Doctor swallowed thickly, fully aware of what she was doing to him. Her manipulations. Most soldiers used tactics like sleep deprivation to get a prisoner talking. The moment she’d discovered she was important to him was the moment he’d given up any chance of surviving this unscathed. “Ran too far. I slipped through the cracks into your universe.”

“Why were you running? Who were you running from?”

He lowered his eyes and rubbed both hands over his tired face. “You, River… I was running from you… Professor River Song….”

*~*~*

It wasn’t fun anymore. It never really had been. Time was ticking in his head like an echo, reminding him of how little was left, and he knew the path to his universe wouldn’t stay open forever. He needed to go, but not just yet. There was a reason he was here. The Tardis brought him here, but why? For what purpose?

River was a Professor. There was no indication she would share the same fate as his wife, but it ate at him just the same. It kept repeating in his mind over the hours he waited in his damned cell, remembering all the things he’d worked so hard to forget. He wasn’t on the move anymore. All he could do was remember. He felt raw. Blood seeping from open wounds in his hearts as his mind repeated all the significant and insignificant moments he’d ever shared with his River.

He thought about her face in Manhattan, the last time they’d been together. He thought about how she’d refused to look at him when he’d discovered she’d broken her wrist and tried to pretend just for him. He’d felt like such a fool when he’d realized the truth. Blind idiot… he was, always missing the damage he’d been inflicting on her since the very beginning. She’d wanted to be perfect for him. Perhaps he’d wanted that too. His influence in her life bordered on abusive, as he forced River into this perfect image that she’d desperately wanted to reflect.

River was head-strong, powerful, brilliant… but not even she was beyond influence and manipulation. It didn’t matter how innocent it started on his part. It didn’t matter that he’d been just as affected by her as she was by him. Nothing felt worse than the realization that he’d held her back from reaching her potential… all in the name of love. What the hell did he know about love?!

“You seem worlds away this evening.”

The Doctor blinked, but made no move to leave his cot. He’d been staring at the bars overhead for hours, deep in thought, and a depression settled over him like a vice… refusing to lift away (even with the sound of her lovely voice). He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to breathe. All he wanted to do was remember everything he’d ever done wrong. If his wife had to die, then it was only fair he pay for his crimes against her. “I belong here… in this cell.”

“Aren’t you a cheery one today,” she sighed, walking over towards his side to stand over him. Her face came into view through the bars, though he couldn’t really read her expression. Seemed a bit off this time. Something in the way she looked at him this time. More… familiar.

“I mean it, River. I’ve been running long enough, but the past catches up with us all, doesn’t it? Why not me? I never even realized what I was asking of you, when you were locked up in Stormcage. What did it matter? I’d pick you up for adventures and it’d be like you were never even in prison, but you put your life on hold for me.” Anger flared inside him, self-hatred beyond comprehension. “What did I ever sacrifice for you?”

She didn’t comprehend his ramblings. How could she? She’d never experienced Stormcage. She’d lived free. She was raised by parents who loved her, she spent lifetimes doing all the things she’d ever wanted to do. She looked right through him because he didn’t exist. He was just a nightmare she could dismiss come sunrise. This was River Song without the Doctor… and she was absolutely breath-taking. “You think that a few days in this cell could make up for whatever it is you’ve done to your wife?” she finally asked, head tilted to the side curiously.

He shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment to prevent more tears. “This isn’t what she would want. That’s the thing about you, River. You call yourself a psychopath, but in the end you are more loving and faithful than any person I have ever known in my very long life.”

“Flattery will get you _everywhere_ , sweetie,” she teased with a faint smile.

He smiled back, but it lacked warmth. “Do you know what I loved most about your mother? I’ve always been attached to my companions, but do you know what was special about Amy? Do you know why I kept coming back for her?”

“Why?” she asked, voice soft like a whisper.

So many lies he’d told and kept on telling. The lies weren’t always necessary. Sometimes they were just easier to say. Not this time. This time he was throwing rule one right out the window. “I would always tell her that she was the first face this face saw. She was a child when I met her, and she was seared to my hearts… but I’ve let go of my firsts often enough. I let go of Rose… for example… dropped her off in a parallel world much like this one, and never looked back. Amy Pond was different though, River. She was more than my first face. She was family. She gave me a family. My companions are _like_ family to me. They’re my friends, and despite the guilt… they are memories I treasure long after they fade away. Only Amy wasn’t _like_ family. She _was_ family. Rory and Amy were your parents, and they gave me this beautiful woman who loved every part of me without hesitation. They gave me this woman who saw my darkness and treasured that too.” He ignored the tears that ran down his face and took a deep breath. “They gave me a woman who could never be perfect, who would hurt me more deeply than anyone else ever could, who would challenge me, who would slap me, who would get cross with me when I got sentimental, and leave me every time I asked her to stay. I loved Amy for that. I _loved_ Amy Pond because she gave me _you_.”

This time when he turned to look at River he was surprised to see how they shined with unshed tears. She was staring back at him with such wonder, and despite all the anger… his hearts fluttered. “You say such impossible things, Doctor,” she whispered to him.

The Doctor held her gaze, limbs still far too numb for movement, still not ready to leave his cot. “It feels good though… to finally say them. That’s new… never expected that.” Perhaps this was why the Tardis had brought him here… to finally say the words he knew he could never tell _her_. He was far too cowardly for that.

She didn’t leave. Professor River Song, the very same woman who’d looked right through him days ago, and now she sat in a chair she’d found and remained by his side. Neither said a word after his emotional confession. He was far too tired to think of something to say, and she didn’t seem all that interested in conversation either. Her presence eased the ache in a way he hadn’t thought possible. The Doctor wondered if he’d ever sleep peacefully again once they said their last goodbyes.

*~*~*

“I was an experiment.”

The Doctor’s eyes opened instantly as he heard her voice for the first time in hours, and he didn’t miss the way it wavered. His jaw clenched to keep from asking questions, almost desperate to hear the story of how River Song could be in this universe without his influence. He wasn’t quite sure why it was so important to him. He turned his head to look at her, but her eyes were focused on her hands.

“The Time Lords had lost the ability to conceive naturally. Their race was facing extinction, and they were focusing all their attention on immortality through regeneration, but not everyone agreed with it. There was a man, the Master, who had a Tardis much like yours. He took my parents away not long after they were married on the promise of adventures, and let nature take it’s course. When the Time Lords discovered what he was doing right under their nose he was recalled, and all his records were destroyed. I… I never even met him myself, although I hear… he was a very kind man. Mother says he was a bit mad, but kind.”

River smiled, pausing her story to look up at the Doctor. For a moment he saw a flicker of hesitation, and he wondered if she’d ever really talked about her past to anyone. He felt like he was witnessing something incredibly rare. He didn’t dare breathe, or blink, or even move a muscle. All he did was watch her, completely captivated by this moment between them.

“Everything was fine. I was perfectly normal, though a bit troublesome growing up. I was more clever than anyone else in my class. No one could keep up with me. I was stronger and faster than all the boys, and it made them ever so cross!” River laughed at that. “I… I died when I was seven. A car accident. I was with my Gran, my mother’s side, and she was struck from behind. The car was crushed. My Gran was in a coma for nearly a month, but they pronounced me dead at the scene… only I hadn’t really died. I changed. I regenerated.”

“The Master’s experiment worked…” the Doctor finally spoke. It was strange to think of the Master using humans in some pet project to save the Time Lords. Perhaps he’d been a better man in this universe. A universe without the Doctor, and everyone was so much better off.

_“You've decided that the universe is better off without you, but the universe doesn't agree.”_

The Doctor sucked in a breath and shook his head as the memory faded from his mind. He could still see the tears in his River’s eyes as she’d begged him not to die, not to make her kill the man she loved. She’d told him the universe needed the Doctor, and yet here was the proof that it didn’t. Perhaps River was wrong about something after all….

“Eventually, my mother managed to cover the evidence of what happened and retrieve me. She’s Scottish, you know, she found a way. Didn’t matter that I’d become a toddler again. She raised me as her adopted daughter… her and Rory. They called me Mels. I died of old age in that body… but I had to move around a lot. I wasn’t aging like everyone else. I was living hundreds of years without even a wrinkle, and I had to keep it all so secret, but eventually I was discovered.”

“The Silence?”

River shook her head. “Uh no… U.N.I.T. discovered my connection with the Time Lords. I was trained as a special soldier for many years until I regenerated, and I changed my name to River Song. They gave me a new identity.”

“You work for U.N.I.T.?” he finally asked, amazed. “This is a U.N.I.T. base?”

“Space station, actually. We monitor alien lifeforms and we’re trained to discover their intentions, and eliminate hostiles at any cost. I’m a member of a specialized team who managed to capture several rogue Time Agents. We adapted their technology and used it for our own purposes. I’m… a Time Traveler.”

“No Archeology, then?” the Doctor questioned, feeling a bit disappointed. As much as he teased his wife over her love of gossip, even he treasured watching her eyes light up when she discovered a good tomb during their adventures.

“I studied it as Mels. I became a Professor for many years before I started to realize people were noticing… my differences. I still teach, on Luna University, have for some time now. Time Travel… it has it’s perks,” she explained with a wicked smile.

His smile grew exceptionally wide. _That’s my River!_ For the first time she really was. Her eyes held his gaze with the beginnings of something… a fondness he could remember from university days with his wife not long after Berlin. It stirred something inside him, and for a moment he wondered if he even wanted to leave anymore. For a moment he thought perhaps he’d run just far enough to escape his sins completely… only… if he never came back he would be erasing a part of his wife. His smile faded, and he swallowed thickly. He couldn’t abandon her… not ever.

“I need to go,” he whispered.

River’s eyebrows wrinkled curiously. “I thought you’d resigned yourself to staying behind these bars to pay for horrible crimes against your wife.” There was a hint of amusement in her voice, and he immediately rolled his eyes.

“Forgive me, so I indulged in a bit of self-pity for a while,” he grumbled. “I don’t belong in this universe. My wife still needs me one last time. I can’t let her down.”

“Lucky girl,” replied River. His eyes searched hers, but she betrayed nothing, closed off to him in ways he hadn’t seen since the beginning.

“Not as lucky as you’d think,” he assured her sadly, and rubbed his eyes before he could betray the shame he was incapable of hiding away in his current mental state. “She’s about to die… and I owe her one final dance….”

*~*~*

When he heard the door open and close, the Doctor’s lips curled with a flirty reply on his lips. She’d said nothing about his request to leave, or even if she’d be willing to help. She’d certainly have a lot to lose, but he also knew he could find a way out. There was always a way out, even without his usual means of escape. “Couldn’t keep away from me then? Was starting to get worr-” his voice cut off as he turned around and realized it was a man walking towards his cell. Not just any man. Captain Jack Harkness, and for a second time he was greeted with cold, unfamiliar eyes. It didn’t hurt this time… well, perhaps it stung just a bit. “Jack.”

Jack’s arms folded as he stood by the cell, stone-faced and clearly a bit cross. Perhaps he’d just come from an argument, because he looked especially tense. “So you know me too, then? Gonna start spouting love sonnets to me, or was that just reserved for the pretty blonde?”

The Doctor’s jaw tightened for a moment as his hearts quickened. “Where is River Song?” He tried to sound casual, but he’d utterly failed by the look Harkness was giving him.

A snort, and Jack shook his head. “She’s right. You really don’t get how interrogation works.”

He didn’t have time for games. His wife needed him, and he didn’t have the time. The crack between their universes could be closing and he’d never know. “You want me to talk? Send me River,” he replied stubbornly.

“Are you still in contact with the Time Lords? Are you working for them? Is it River you want? Maybe you plan on experimenting with her after all?” Jack questioned, completely ignoring his demand. He remained still, his voice sharp and to the point, cutting at the Doctor as if they were age old enemies. For once he found himself missing the harmless flirting and unending innuendo that came along with _his_ Jack Harkness. This was a universe in which he was truly lonely in every sense of the word.

“I’m not even _from_ this universe,” the Doctor replied in frustration.

“So you say,” Jack argued.

“Where is River Song?!” he shouted. He didn’t like any of this. He didn’t like that she was so suddenly _not_ here. He needed to know that she wasn’t in any trouble, that she was safe. He knew she could take care of herself, but what if this was beyond her? What if U.N.I.T. was trying to keep her away because he was reaching her? What would they do if they knew she’d told him her story? He was starved of her once again, but this time he wasn’t content to fade. He would fight and scratch and do whatever he needed to do to make certain he saw her one last time. “Tell me, or I will never utter another word again.”

“You think we won’t find ways of loosening that tongue?” Jack threatened, eyes narrowing, so completely opposite of the man he’d known from his universe. Perhaps if the Master could be a good man, the opposite might also be true.

The Doctor stiffened. “You’re welcomed to try.” Jack Harkness didn’t know it, but the Doctor had uttered a threat of his own.

Eyes widened for a moment, a flash of surprise, and the Doctor watched as his arms dropped and his lips upturned into the widest smile. “No wonder she likes you,” he whispered, almost too softly for the Doctor to hear.

“Am I missing something?” he questioned, thrown off by the shift in tension.

Jack shook his head, leaning to the side against the bars of the Doctor’s cell. “They have a Time Lord in custody. You realize they’d never let you leave, right? I don’t know how things work in your universe, but our job is simple in this one. We eliminate threats, and we recruit allies. That’s how it works. This cell is the first stop in determining where you end up. You’re either with us, or against us.”

The Doctor wasn’t quite sure what Jack was trying to tell him, but he certainly didn’t like the message he was getting so far. He still hadn’t figured out how he was planning to escape his cell, but trying to gain their trust would be close to impossible in such a short time. His eyes passed over the knowing look on Jack’s face, and there was an audacious glint in the other man’s eyes. “I’m not your enemy, Jack.”

“No, I suppose you aren’t, but it doesn’t mean we get to be friends.” There was a quirk of his eyebrow, giving the Doctor a good ‘once over.’ “What a shame.” It was the most familiar thing he’d seen yet, from this Jack, and he felt instant relief despite his situation. If there was even a small chance that he could reach this man, get him to understand that he didn’t belong here, then maybe he could find a means of escape.

The Doctor took hesitate steps towards the Captain. He had to be careful. If others were watching there was a great chance they would catch on to his intentions as they’d obviously caught on with River. Only two things mattered to the Doctor at the moment, and both of them were River Song. “Tell me where River Song is,” he pressed one last time.

“She couldn’t make it, but she sent me a message for you… if you’d like to hear it.” That got his interest… he _really_ would. He’d like that message very much. Jack’s eyes glanced down for a moment, and the Doctor’s gaze followed. A flicker of light in the darkness that surrounded his cell, but not just any light. A green light. A green light that could possibly come from his screwdriver. In fact, he was certain what he was seeing was his screwdriver. Jack had is screwdriver. Oh… _ohhhhh_!

He walked over to Jack, fairly close as he pressed his face through the bars, concerned someone might be listening. “Give me her message,” he finally spoke, voice low and quiet.

He’d never seen Jack look so delighted, and he twisted his body to face the Doctor, eyes darkening immediately as he leaned in close. “Hello sweetie,” he whispered, pressing hard lips against the Doctor’s, and slipping the screwdriver into his pocket. Dear god! A chance at escape and a kiss! Well… Jack’s lips, but yowzah! River always did know how to leave him a message.

Jack backed away in an instant once the transfer had been made, and cleared his throat. “Worth it!” he announced with a wolfish smile. He was backing towards the door with a glance at the camera, and finally back towards the Doctor. He was leaving just as quickly as he’d come, his message sent. “Hmmm… perhaps we can be friends after all, Doctor….”

Harkness had told him exactly what to disable first, and he activated his sonic, kept hidden in his pocket to disrupt any cameras that might be in his vicinity. It wouldn’t be long before reinforcements were sent. He waited, eyes fixed on the door as the Captain exited with a wave of his hand and laughter on his lips. It seemed some things really didn’t change… no matter the universe.

The moment Jack was gone the Doctor pulled out his sonic and watched the lock spark and burn away. It swung open with a loud creak, and he dashed outside happily. When he looked down at his sonic to make a quick scan, he could see the maps of the station had been programed into it… that maddening clever woman… she’d given him everything he could ever need. River Song, she was absolutely amazing in any universe.

He ran to the door, wasting no time, using the sonic once more to burn away the lock. He had no idea what would greet him outside, but this was his only shot of making it back to his wife. He would do whatever he had to; risk everything to get back home to her. He’d been selfish long enough. He couldn’t keep running away from the one thing she deserved more than anything else. Not one line, she’d said. He wouldn’t change anything no matter how much it hurt. He wouldn’t change their life together from beginning to end, because that’s what she’d asked of him. All the promises she’d kept for him, but she only asked for one thing in return. Stormcage, her childhood, all the damage he’d caused unknowingly, but he understood it now. The bad with the good. She wouldn’t change a thing because there were just as many stories that _didn’t_ hurt.

In that small moment as the Doctor swung open the door he thought about everything good he’d ever shared with his wife. He thought about stars that filled the sky like daylight. He thought about running in the rain, and laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe. He thought about all the hats she’d happily and mercilessly destroyed with such satisfaction. He thought about Jim the Fish and karaoke. He thought about how he’d held her hand as they ran, fingers linked together, and the softness of her thumb over his pulse. He thought about the nights they’d made love in the privacy of his bed and the sound of her scream when he’d send her over the edge. Years and years of memories in just the few seconds it took for him to open the door… and he spent those seconds thinking of _her_.

*~*~*

He was pinned down. Guns wouldn’t stop firing, and he couldn’t make it to the Tardis. He could _see_ her as clear as day. She was surrounded by a force field, but it was easily broken with his sonic, but he’d be shot down before he could even make it to her. This was a horrible plan! A horrible, terrible, very bad plan! He needed to think. They were getting closer and he didn’t have the time to think. There had to be a way to her. There had to be some way of getting to the Tardis without being shot down execution style. Damn that woman. “Oh I hate her!” he growled angrily, trying to peek over the console he’d hid behind.

“No you don’t!”

The Doctor’s eyes widened, because that voice… those _words_. He swallowed thickly as he heard the charging of a weapon just down the corridor he’d taken, and it was River Song standing just behind the wall and shooting her weapon at people she’d once worked with and for. She was just a few feet away, hidden behind the corner, and readily throwing her life away. “River?! What are you doing?!”

“Saving you, you bloody idiot!” she replied, slightly breathless. Weapons fire flew over his head, and dangerously close to her exposed hand as she fired in return, but her wide smile was more familiar to him than ever before. There was a fire in her eyes that hadn’t existed before. Despite the fact that she’d turned against her own people, he saw no hesitation, no regret, and none of it made any sense. How could she risk this?

“They’ll kill you!” he protested.

River rolled her eyes, jumping back behind the corner as returning fire grew intense. “They’ve been recording our sessions, Doctor. They saw everything. My commander wouldn’t let me speak to you. I’d been compromised. They knew I was planning to help you escape.”

He almost sputtered at her words, mind reeling with shock and awe that she’d dare risk everything for him… a River Song that hadn’t even known him. “But… but why?! Why are you helping me?!” It was the question he’d wanted to ask so many times, to so many people. It was always on the tip of his tongue, but never spoken, because there was never enough time. He’d let them all help, let them all die, they would sacrifice themselves over and over again in his name. He never really knew why they did it. He never understood. For once, he asked the question he’d been certain he never wanted to know. “Why, River?!”

Her eyes caught his and he was mesmerized by the sea green staring back. Those eyes that he could dive into, as fluid as the river and the waters of Earth. They shined so incredibly bright, and there were no walls. He’d asked for honesty, but he never expected this. “That’s the thing about flames, Doctor… when they burn as brightly as you… no moth is safe,” she replied and twisted around the corner firing so fast and so hard. Her fury filled the air, and drowned out the noise, guns firing without delay, with more skill than he could ever hope to match.

The Doctor, rooted to the spot, watched as this woman whom he was certain he loved in every universe, every point of time, with every heart, shot down the men guarding his Tardis. She didn’t miss. He swallowed hard as he finally stood up from behind the console, realizing her weapon had been a stun gun. She hadn’t killed anyone, and it brought him relief, free to admire her skill as everything and everyone was silenced. Her words hung between them like a special kind of tension. River Song never hesitated to tell him who he was, what he was, and he always listened. She met his gaze and lowered her weapon with this smug smile that made her sexy as hell. In that moment he saw the opportunity to say the things he never could before… and possibly never would. 

“I love you.”

“You love your wife.”

He shook his head. “No you… _every_ you. I love River Song.”

Her eyes widened at his confession, and she was looking _at_ him, not through him. It shouldn’t have made him so happy, but it did.

The moment between them was unending as they gazed into each other’s eyes. All he wanted to do was kiss her. His body ached to hold her in his arms one last time, to thank her properly for everything he didn’t deserve. He wanted to leave his mark on her before he was forced to leave this River behind. Only, it seemed this universe was just as cruel as all the others. This universe that didn’t know him, but seemed to know enough. He _would_ leave his mark on River, but it was just as she’d said. The Doctor was a flame, and she’d already gotten too close to the fire.

The sound broke the silence that had settled between them so suddenly, an ear-splitting whine before the trigger was pulled and he saw the flash of light against her side. He screamed so loud as he’d rushed for her, but she was strong. She managed to turn around and fire her weapon, knocking the last soldier out, eliminating the threat just as she dropped into his arms. “River?! River please! No!”

She licked dry lips and shuddered. “Run, you idiot… before reinforcements come.”

He shook his head adamantly, tightening his hold on her, slipping to the ground with the console against his back. “First you have to regenerate! You gave up your regenerations in my universe, but you should still have them in this one! Regenerate!” he begged her, ignoring the tears blinding his vision.

River smiled back at him weakly. “The Time Lords… they discovered who I was years ago, Doctor. They took my remaining regenerations once they realized what the Master had done. They stripped me of them as part of his punishment. This is it.” He shook his head as he watched a single tear slip down her face. Her hand moved to his cheek and he leaned into her touch without thought. “You’d better go.”

“No!” he insisted, refusing to leave her, refusing to believe he could have to face losing her twice. It was just too much to bear. Too much. “Please….”

She tugged him down and he went willingly, tasting her lips for the first time in this world. It was the same, she was the same, like time and refreshing waters… made bitter by his tears. When he finally pulled away she was smiling back at him, looking more content than he’d ever seen her; the warmth of her hand slipping from his face. “Do me a favor, Doctor… just one request.”

“Anything,” he whispered, holding her hand to his face before it could fall away completely.

“Dance with her,” she whispered. “Tell her she’s loved and take her dancing.”

Eyes fluttered closed just as his widened. It wasn’t until he watched her slip away that he realized the truth with such a horrible clarity. Her hand went limp in his and he sat there just holding her with this dreadful ache in his chest. The ache was so powerful he was certain he’d expire right along-side her. This was a universe in which River Song had everything. She’d had parents to raise her, friends to support her, and all these possibilities for a life untouched by the tragedies _his_ River had endured. This was a universe in which River Song had everything… everything but love, their love. Perhaps he was a fire, but she wasn’t a moth. River Song was a butterfly, and he’d just burned away her wings.

*~*~*

He cried for hours in the Tardis once he was back in his universe. He curled into a ball on the floor and did nothing but cry. His body shook so violently, his stomach twisting into knots till he became ill all over the glass floor. It was unbearable to have River’s death in his memories twice, all his doing, all his fault. The Doctor was a broken man in ways that no one could possibly understand, but never was he as utterly destroyed as in those hours crying for a woman he loved. No one would ever know. No one would ever understand, possibly not even River. The Doctor loved her so much, and it simply hurt too much to endure it.

Eventually he would be forced to stand up. He’d force himself to take his wife dancing, he’d cry and refuse to tell her why, give her his screwdriver, and drop her back home as if he was coming back. He would play his part well, because she’d asked him to. This would be his punishment for all he’d ever done to her without thinking, such a blind and selfish fool, he was. He would not run. He would not abandon her. He would not change a single thing of their time together. When it was over he would leave River Song and he would never, ever be hurt like that again. He’d gone too far this time, burned away something far too precious. It was time to put the fire out. The Doctor was done. He was officially _retired_.

*~*~*

He kissed her fiercely as more tears fell down his face, but she’d given up asking him to talk to her by now. She sighed against him, tasting his tears, and held him tight in her arms. Her skin was still glistening from sweat; he’d made love to her one last time just before taking her home. His fingers tightened around her hips and he pulled away for air. He watched her lips curl into the sweetest smile. “You haven’t kissed me like that in ages,” she purred.

“I should have. I should have kissed you like that every single time,” he whispered back, letting his forehead press against hers. He closed his eyes to keep himself steady; he was seconds away from all out sobbing right in front of her. His loss was still far too raw.

“Oh Doctor… with so many regrets.”

“I don’t regret you,” he assured her, and felt her stiffen for a moment. He wasn’t sure why, perhaps she’d just been surprised by his words. “I’ll never regret what we have, River.”

“Not any of it,” she agreed, kissing his lips briefly. It was strange how they swayed, as if still dancing beneath the towers. It gave him pause, and he opened his eyes, remember one last promise he’d made.

“River?”

“Hmm?” She caressed his face, eyes focused on his mouth, but he lifted her chin so she would meet his gaze. “Yes sweetie?” she finally spoke, obviously struggling with her urges to kiss him once more.

For a moment he remembered another River Song. For just a brief second he saw similar eyes that hadn’t known him long, that looked through him in a way that cut incredibly deep. He held onto that pain desperately, forcing out words he’d never wanted to say, for her sake. “Whatever happens, River, I need you to believe what I say right here and now. You are never to forget this moment. Do you understand?”

She stared back at him curiously, but nodded her agreement. “You’ve got my undivided attention, my love.”

He licked his lips and swallowed down the lump in his throat, ignoring how unsteady his voice sounded to his own ears. “I would… I would do anything for the love of you, River. I would do anything you ask of me.”

She stood stunned in his arms as he kissed her forehead tenderly, refusing to say goodbye. Pulling his hands from her body was like ripping a plaster from his skin, and his hands clenched at his sides. He left her standing there in front of her home, wondering how it was even possible to keep standing when his body was going numb. He walked into the Tardis with one last look, drinking in her beauty for the days ahead when he’d be starved of her face once again. The last thing he saw before the door closed was her eyes… looking at him and only him. They looked just as beautiful as that day of their wedding. River Song looking only at _him_ , and _god_ , how he loved her for it….

*~*~*

_The Doctor had told her never to forget, and it seemed even now, she hadn’t. His lips still tingled with the sensation of her lips against his, like his first sip of water in years… decades even. It never stopped hurting no matter how hard he tried to move on. Sometimes he could forget for a while, live in the present and smile, but River Song would remain in his bleeding hearts for as long as he lived. There was no escaping that._

_“It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye.”_

_Oh how he wanted to say goodbye to her, to end this properly as she deserved. There was only one problem, one little thing that got in the way. “Then tell me, because I don't know. How do I say it?” How could he say goodbye to the beautiful, amazing River Song? He’d watched her die twice and he still didn’t know._

_She shook her head as if it were obvious, but then again, to her it probably was. River was so much wiser than he could ever be. “There's only one way I'd accept. If you ever loved me, say it like you're going to come back.”_

_And there it was. She’d never forgotten his words. He’d promised her anything and everything that last night after Darillium. He couldn’t just tell her he loved her. He knew better than that. Far too much between them, too many scars, too much damage. He could prove it to her though, even if it hurt him in ways she’d never comprehend. If he loved her, he’d say it like they had tomorrows… a future to look forward to. He was backing away from her now, his lips pressed together hard to keep his bottom lip from trembling. “Well, then. See you around, Professor River Song.”_

_She smiled, and he was drawn in once more to her eyes, shining back. At least she knew. At least she finally knew he loved her. He didn’t like endings, and surely this one was the worst of them all, but neither did she. He shouldn’t love her for that, but he did. “Till the next time, Doctor….”_

**The End**


End file.
